Tim Cusack's Blog
Tag Archives: Ted Klontz

Wait, Don’t say It: Just Listen

Here’s one of the many communication tips I learned at a recent workshop led by my good friend, Dr. Ted Klontz:

Good communication has a lot to do with just listening. In there lies the rub – usually I want to talk. We all have a lot to say. How, then, is listening good communication? How am I going to talk if I’m listening all the time? As you may recall from Steven Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” he recommends seeking first to understand before being understood. This is accurate, but moreover there are basic human needs that the primitive part of the brain (reptilian, mammalian) seeks to be met in every interaction – which is why we want to talk instead of listen!

On a very powerful level, belonging, safety, purpose and connection are needs the subconscious brain is seeking to fulfill when communicating. If you are truly listening and feeding back eye contact, head nods and positive body language to the person you are interacting with, you are satisfying these basic needs by reinforcing the sense of belonging that “Yes, you are a part of the tribe; ” that “Yes, you are safe with me.” With these listening techniques, you are creating a powerful opening to be heard when you finally do speak.

So remember, before you speak actual words, your body language, your eye contact and your tone of voice are all communicating loud and clear to the subconscious brain of the person you are with. If you actually want to talk and be understood at some point – listen first.

Just Listen

Just Listen

What Kind of Day: Last or First?

My good friend Dr. Ted Klontz reminded me there are different ways of approaching your day – positive or negative, open minded or closed minded, fresh or stale.  So how do you start your day?

You’ve heard the supposedly inspiring phrase “Live each day as if it’s your last.” Well, did you? Have you? Lived each day as if it’s your last? What did you do differently? How did your daily behavior change? How did it change your relationship with loved ones, or people you just met? Did you wake up in the morning thinking, “This is my last day on earth. I’m going to die sometime today?” Did you bother even getting out of bed?

Maybe this is not so inspiring after all – not so motivating to fire you up to live your best life for today. In reality it’s a little sad; a little dark, because we don’t want to die. Every gene, every cell in our body wants to live!

Try this phrase instead: “Live each day as if it’s your first!” Oh yeah, you’re a three-year-old again. You wake up to a new world, wide open with curiosity, wonder and full of energy to find something new this day. (What would happen if I put this bug in my mouth?) And, the best part – you don’t have to have the answers to everything, but you’re full of the question, “Why?” You’re open to learning new things, to understanding without judgment, bias or prejudice – a life filled with potential and endless possibilities.  What about that…..

Good Morning Bunny

Good Morning Bunny

 

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